


Mystic Wisdom Rising

by sufferingsoprano



Category: Frühlings Erwachen | Spring Awakening - Frank Wedekind, Spring Awakening - Reiss, Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Melchior Gabor, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Character, Germany, It’s just mentioned, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Queer Themes, Queer Youth, Sex Talk, Teen Romance, Teenagers, There’s no actual masturbation tho, Underage Kissing, Underage Masturbation, gay moritz stiefel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:20:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23625262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sufferingsoprano/pseuds/sufferingsoprano
Summary: moritz longed for physical affection as he seeked the touch of someone who could make him feel something.melchior was this someone, as he breathed moritz back to life, satisfying moritz’s hunger whilst simultaneously waking a hunger of his own.————————fandom: spring awakeningship: moritz x melchior
Relationships: Melchior Gabor/Moritz Stiefel
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	Mystic Wisdom Rising

**Author's Note:**

> This vignette contains no sexual activity whatsoever, but it does discuss masturbation and sexual desire, and one character attempts to make a sexual advance on the other character, to which the other character rejects- hence the lack of sexual activity! But, it should be known that sexual themes are brought up throughout this piece! (and of course spoilers for the deaths that occur in “Spring Awakening”)

moritz found himself mesmerized by melchior's words. both written and spoken, he was just so eloquent, so endearing.

yet, melchior's words were so foreign...  
so new, and so different from all moritz had ever known, thus making his words all the more scary,   
and all the more frightening...

it was enlightening...an awakening of sorts, he supposed,to understand and recognize this burning desire to touch, to feel...and perhaps, to love?

melchior spoke with such confidence and such knowledge as he demonstrated this mature understanding of "sex" and "puberty, and of all these scary terms that boggled moritz's mind.

did moritz understand?no, not yet.  
he wished he did, yet he wished he didn't...  
the dreams, the visions, they were still so frightening, and shook him to his very core.  
the wanting and the desire made him feel ashamed  
and embarrassed...  
he didn't want to acknowledge the fact that he needed to touch himself, or that he needed others to touch him...he didn't want to come to terms with the fact that his body was aching for affection, or that he craved someone else's warmth...

it was just too much-  
too much "sinful behavior" stemming from too much "sinful desire".  
for it was just a lot for him handle...

moritz had school to worry about, as he ever consistently struggled to grasp the concepts being taught in class, and as he continued to lay on the verge of failure in his studies...

he didn't need the added anxiety, nor did he need any more room for failure...

yet, the world still seemed to come crashing down around him, as his body seemed to betray him with all this wanting that he never would've imagined in his wildest dreams...

he wished he had melchior's confidence, melchior's intelligence, melchior's calmness, his coolness...  
he wished he had the strength that melchior always wielded.

but alas,  
he was still just moritz.  
he was still his normal, anxiety ridden self.  
he was still so frightened of his body.  
so afraid of all the changes...

deep in thought, moritz had suddenly gone silent, as he contemplated melchior's words in his mind, trying to incide the madness that was his body, and these new bizzarre desires...

"hey, are you ok?"   
waving a hand in front of moritz's face, melchior tried to snap moritz out of his trance.

moritz's cheeks reddened,   
as he was startled by melchior's words.  
when he was stuck inside of his own mind, it felt as though the rest of the world didn't exist, and as though he were all alone...in absolute darkness, floating aimlessly through an abyss of all his worst fears.

he was thankful that melchior was there to pull him out of his mind, yet he was still embarrassed.

"ah- oh sorry melchi, I guess I just zoned out, and got a little lost..."   
he frantically explained, nervously fidgeting with his hands.

melchior gave him a gentle smirk, abruptly taking moritz's hands in his, fondly shaking his head,

"hey, it's ok, absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about, alright?" 

moritz stared at his own hands in melchior's, his cheeks flushed.

"I'm sorry melchi- it's just, it's just so much to handle... I mean these dreams- I feel as though they're consuming my life...this desire, it's-it's going to destroy me!"

melchior sighed, continuing to shake his head with that same fondness,

"moritz, it's completely normal, there's no need to be ashamed. all of us go through this, I've had those dreams before as well, and there's nothing wrong with it."   
melchior tried to reassure moritz, squeezing his hands ever so slightly.

"...then why does it feel so dirty? and so wrong?"  
moritz asked quietly.

this time melchior squeezed moritz's hands tighter, with more certainty as he made direct eye contact with moritz.

"look...I know society has been conditioning you to believe that this desire is wrong, but they are the one's who are wrong...life isn't clean, it's dirty...we can't just run away from that."   
melchior firmly stated.

as moritz peered back at melchior's intensely sure eyes, he felt mesmerized by his words.

"shame is unnatural. it was simply incorporated into your mind by corrupt adults who wish to maintain control and power over us.....we can't pretend that life is a smooth ride, because the road is fucking bumpy...."

he supposed that melchior was right, life was never meant to be clean.  
the world was a mess, meant to be dirty, meant to be imperfect...

and though it would take some time for moritz to accept it, it was a start at the very least.

"I suppose you're right...but nonetheless, these dreams are relentlessly tearing my life apart..."

melchior let go of moritz's hands, giving his friend a soft smile.

"have you tried any means of dealing with your dreams?"

"dealing with my dreams? how?  
I don't understand?"

melchior grinned at moritz's naivety, amused by how oblivious moritz was to the world.

"you know- masturbation?" melchior offered.

"masturba- what?" moritz asked, confusion evident in his voice.

melchior sighed again, shaking his head once more,

"masturbation- you know, like touching yourself?"

"touching myself?" moritz questioned, mildly horrified by the notion.

"yeah, by touching yourself you can arouse yourself...it feels nice."   
melchior tried to explain in a way that would not confuse moritz further.

moritz shook his head, still horrified,  
"but-but...how will that help me with my dreams?"

melchior pursed his lips, shaking his head with that same fondness, once again.

"well, masturbation can fulfill the desires that are often times entertained in your dreams. You simply indulge in your fantasies, thus stopping the dreams as you would've already blown off steam...  
does that make sense?"   
melchior did his best to explain clearly, and slowly, as to not send moritz's head spinning in circles as it already was.

moritz's cheeks flushed as he began to comprehend what melchior was saying. 

what melchior had suggested seemed quite shameful to him, as he thought of how his parents would react.  
his mother and father would never allow that in their household, for they would shun that behavior immediately.

he thought of what the church had told him, and what his parents enforced in their household...

"but...mother says that touching oneself is sinful."  
moritz exclaimed, still flustered by melchior's words.   
just the thought of touching himself sent tingles down his spine, only scaring him more. it seemed so wrong, and so disgusting...

melchior sighed again.  
"moritz...please, it's not sinful. it's normal." 

moritz shook his head, still hesitant.  
"but melchi, it just doesn't feel right...it feels as though I'm bringing shame to my name..."

he didn't want to be an even bigger disappointment to his parents...they already were embarrassed to call him their son, doing such an act would only make him a more pathetic excuse of a human being...and an even more pathetic son.

melchior instinctively grabbed moritz's hands once again, clinging to them tightly.  
he could tell that moritz was retreating to the prison that was his own mind, and he didn't want moritz to tear himself apart for what he couldn't control.

"moritz. please, it's ok.   
you're doing nothing wrong....please don't beat yourself up over this. I do it, we all do...please, don't belittle yourself because of your dreams, or because of your urges. it's nothing to be ashamed of."

moritz stared intently back at melchior, as he was hyper aware of melchior's hands holding his own.  
moritz still really couldn't shake off the thought that the act of touching himself was sinful,   
yet, when melchior put it that way, with all that emotion, and that genuine concern...  
he couldn't help but want to believe him.  
he wanted to agree.

he squeezed melchior's hand in return, as if to say that he'd do his best to listen.  
melchior gave him another squeeze back.

"it's just...I crave touch..."   
moritz bashfully admitted, looking down at his hands still in melchior's grasp.

"well, of course you do. that's why a person masturbates, or has these dreams. it helps ease the craving."   
melchior continued explaining.

moritz cringed at the mention of masturbation, and his dreams.  
he knew that he needed to come to terms with it, just as melchior said, but for now, it was just too uncomfortable for his own liking.  
it really wasn't something he wanted to talk about again, as discussing it was rather taxing for him...

he also felt as though touching himself, and only dreaming of others could not truly satisfy him.

"but- I-I crave another's touch."

moritz felt this need to be held, and embraced. though sexual prospects excited him in ways he didn't care to admit, what he really wanted was just someone to hold him,   
to kiss him...  
someone who loved him.  
someone who cared enough.

melchior's essay had explained sexual desire, and all the wanting for carnal pleasure.   
but, for moritz, those desires were secondary to his desire for security.

he just wanted...  
no, he just needed someone to make him feel safe and accepted,to make him feel as though his world wasn't falling apart, someone to offer their love and affection, someone to save him from himself....

it was strange voicing these wants aloud, but it was all true. he craved kisses, he craved hugs, he simplh craved touch.

maybe not sexual touch, no, not yet.  
he was still too scared of that part of himself,  
and not at all ready for it.  
but oh how craved for someone to love him.  
someone to give him simple joy....

"I-I want someone to love me...  
oh, melchi, is that so strange?"

melchior rubbed circles with his thumb on moritz's trembling hand.

"no. it's not strange at all. I suppose carnal desires have always been primary for me, as for most of the guys I've known...but, seeking genuine love is a natural desire that most of us go through as well.  
it's completely understandable at that."

moritz couldn't help but smile as he felt melchior gently playing with his hands.

he was just so thankful for melchior's constant guidance in his life, for melchior's compassion,for melchior's thoughtfulness, for his ability to to calm him down and to give him some level of peace...

"melchi- I-I...  
thank you." 

melchior smiled, that same gentle smile that was reserved for moritz, and moritz alone.

that smile was so genuine, so loving, for it just melted moritz's heart, making his legs all wobbly, and his head all woozy...

melchior laughed quietly.  
a gentle laugh, fondness just emulated by his tone,   
as he watched his friend's cheeks gleam with that pink tint.

melchior pulled his friend into a tight embrace, as if to assure him that he was there for him, and that everything would turn out ok, that he was not alone, and that he had his back.

moritz melted into melchior's touch, falling into the hug and practically sinking into melchior's skin.

melchior smelled of candle wax and parchment,  
a familiar scent that moritz had grown so used to.  
he felt as though he were trying to drown himself in melchior's skin as the scent seemed to consume him and all of his desires and thoughts.

the two stayed like that for quite some time.

moritz felt a sense of safety, with strong hands wrapped around him.

it just felt right.

eventually, melchior pulled away slowly in order to get a good look at moritz.

moritz stared back at melchior's piercing eyes, which were beginning to soften.  
melchior tilted his head to the side, as if to ask an unspoken question.

moritz took a deep breath, and nodded.

"melchi..."

melchior inched closer, so there was only a small gap between the two of them.

moritz closed his eyes, as he felt melchior's warm breath against his face.

inhaling, and exhaling slowly, he allowed himself to show his vulnerability, as if to bear his heart for melchior to see.

melchior smiled, yet again, that same gentle smile,  
as he then proceeded to close the gap between them,  
pressing his lips against moritz's.

moritz could barely register what was happening.

melchior gabor was kissing him.

his best friend was kissing him.

warmth seemed to flood through his body,  
as he tentatively kissed back.  
melchior was gentle with his lips, as he recognized moritz's vulnerability.

he felt so lucky to be the person whom moritz would share this vulnerability with.  
it meant a lot to melchior, bringing a smile to his face as he watched moritz be open about his wanting.

pulling apart, with their noses still touching, moritz couldn't help but grin back at melchior, that simple joy he had been searching for conveyed with his smile,

"was that ok?" melchior asked cautiously.

"yes...it was more than ok."   
moritz replied, his whole face seeming to glow along with his grin.

soon lips were on lips once again.

moritz knew he'd been aching for touch,  
but he'd always tried to deny that he desired for not just any touch,  
but melchior's touch.

he longed to kiss,  
but more specifically,  
he longed for melchior's kiss,

their lips moved together, slowly, and with apparent ease.

perhaps this was inevitable.

perhaps one day, moritz would've just spilled all of these feelings out for melchior to see... and perhaps his feelings weren't meant to be secret after all.  
it was still so surreal to be kissed by melchior.  
to feel his gentle lips move with his own, to taste melchior, and relish in his touch.

it was as if his dreaded dreams were becoming a reality...and perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing.

perhaps these desires weren't so terrible, for anything with melchior involved couldn't possibly be terrible.

moritz sighed against melchior's lips,   
as his entire being felt such intense pleasure.

melchior's lips trailed down moritz's neck, gently nipping at his skin. moritz's cheeks were on fire at this point, as he gasped at each nip.

melchior carefully unbuttoned moritz's shirt, swiftly removing it.  
gently pushing moritz backward onto the bed,   
melchior ran his hands along his friend's body,  
caressing him gently, exploring his friend's body with not only his hands, but his lips.

moritz sighed once more, overwhelmed with his contentment.

melchior did his best to be as gentle as possible, not leaving any bite marks as he understood moritz's sensitivity to any harsh touching.  
he wanted to make sure moritz was comfortable, and happy...

he cared very strongly for his best friend, knowing that moritz deserved the very best. he wanted moritz to understand just how loved, and treasured he was.

melchior hated to see moritz wallow in his doubts and insecurities, and just wanted to show moritz how beautiful he was.  
he knew moritz didn't see what he saw, for it pained him to contemplate moritz's self hatred, but the least he could do was just be there for his best friend and give him all his love and support.

melchior was willing to do anything to get moritz to see himself as the lovely, sweet boy whom melchior cared so much for.  
and though melchior hated anything too "cheesy", moritz had always been that soft spot for him, and he was always willing to go the extra mile to be there for his smaller friend.

he hoped moritz knew how much he loved him.  
he wanted this to be special, for the both of them.

and with those thoughts, melchior continued to explore, lining moritz's stomach with kisses, until he neared the lower half of moritz's body.

he went to go unzip moritz's pants, but was abruptly stopped by moritz's hand.

"melchi, no..."

melchior blinked back at him, stunned.

"why? because it's sinful? because it's wrong to love? because we don't deserve happiness?"  
with a hunger awakening inside him, melchior could not understand how moritz could not want further physical intimacy.

he wanted moritz, and he wanted moritz to know that it wasn't wrong for him to want back.

"moritz, it's not wrong to love! what is there to be ashamed of?"   
melchior continued on, passionately trying to explain to moritz that this was ok, for he didn't need to be scared.

moritz's breath seemed to stop and his eyes began to water, as they seemed to fill with fear, and worry...  
not because he didn't trust melchior, not even because he thought it was wrong, and certainly not because he didn't want melchior...

he just wasn't ready.  
he didn't want to be touched in that regard,  
not by anyone,   
even melchior.

"melchi...please..."   
he whispered quietly.   
he didn't want the moment to be ruined, for everything had been so perfect up to that point, but  
even despite his dreams which hinted of sexual desire and such, truth be told, moritz wasn't looking for sex...  
he didn't know why.

melchior's essay explained that moritz's dreams had sprouted from his desire for sex...but in all honesty, moritz could do without...

"melchi- I-I- no."

"no?"

"no."

it was simple, yet succinct, and right to the point, for  
moritz was saying no.

he felt his body shaking with nerves, fearing that melchior would not comply...that melchior would be insulted, or annoyed... or worse, what if melchior hated him? what if melchior left him?

moritz wasn't used to sticking up for himself, yet, there he was, holding his breath as he attempted to hold his ground.

"moritz- but- I don't understand..."   
melchior quietly questioned.

"it's not that I don't want you- just- I'm not ready.  
not for sex....I want you to touch me, but not in that way..melchi, I-I love you...I do, truly...I just- no, I don't want to do....that."

melchior took a step backward from the bed,  
still stunned by moritz's words.

he didn't understand?  
how could one love in that way, yet not want sex?  
melchior had always thought that romantic feelings were attached to sexual feelings...

but yet, moritz had said he loved him.  
moritz loved him...

melchior decided that perhaps he didn't have to understand at all, perhaps he just needed to accept it...

he loved moritz, he really did, so he supposed that he would have to be willing to respect moritz's boundaries even though he didn't exactly understand said boundaries to begin with....

"and I love you too, moritz."   
melchior murmured, pulling moritz back toward him, pulling him into a hug.

"no sex necessary. ever. only if you're comfortable, and you want to."   
melchior assured him.

he supposed all people were different in their desires, despite having these dreams, and despite having those urges, moritz didn't want sex  
and that was ok...  
and with the scent of mortiz's hair in his nostrils, Melchior decided that a happy relationship didn't need sex, for all a relationship truly needed was   
love and trust.

and melchior wanted moritz's trust more than almost anything.

moritz fell into the hug, relieved at melchior's acceptance.

his breathing slowly began to even out as he calmed down, for his head was no longer spinning, and his senses returned to their normal state.

he hugged back..

"thank you."

melchior squeezed back.

"of course."

moritz rested his head against melchior's chest,  
happy to simply lie with melchior.

he intently listened to melchior's heart beat, a constant, and calming sound. the steady noise was easing to moritz, as it reassured him that melchior was right there with him, holding him...

"I hear your heartbeat..."   
moritz whispered.

melchior pulled apart from the boy, placing his hand against moritz's chest, leaning in as he too listened.

"and I hear yours."  
feeling moritz's insistent heartbeat against his hand, melchior shivered, thinking that perhaps their hearts were even beating in sync as the two of them laid there, taken aback by the constant rythym of the others's heart.

melchior pulled moritz back to him,with their chests pressed together, hearts still beating together.   
melchior then leaned back, so that the two were laying down together.

moritz cuddled up against melchior, pressing himself as close as he possibly could to melchior's skin.  
and with that, melchior peppered moritz's forehead with kisses as he absentmindedly ran his fingers through moritz's messy hair.

and many times again after would the two indulge in such moments, whilst melchior couldn't help but smile in between kisses, reveling in how lucky he'd gotten to earn the love of someone like moritz-  
someone who deserved the world,  
someone with seemingly unfaltering kindness,   
and with a giggle filled with youthful light whom had this charmingly awkward air about him.

they'd been best friends since childhood, since learning to walk and talk- for what seemed like forever, for it had always been the two of them.  
melchior and moritz...  
and both hoped that it would remain that way.

holding moritz was a pleasure that was all so sweet,   
and all so blissful to melchior, just as being held by melchior was all a beautiful wonder that was all so tender for moritz.

moritz couldn't help but burry his head into melchior's chest, snuggling even closer to his best friend, whispering "I love you"s into his skin.

to which melchior had ran his hands down moritz's back, following moritz's actions as he began to murmur "I love you"s against moritz's neck, then planting kisses on moritz's rosy cheeks.

pulling apart, so that they could face each other once again, melchior cupped moritz's chin in his hand,

"oh god,   
I love you moritz."

"melchi- I love you, as I have never loved anyone else, and never will..."

and oh god- melchior had to kiss him again, to which moritz happily replied with his lips.

it felt as though light was radiating from them as their touch stimulated such an intense aura.

for melchior knew this with certainty as he found that he would kiss moritz again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again...

for he wished to kiss him until the end of time, and alas, this desire went both ways as both boys wanted this to last until their final moments...  
for this would remain a moment they'd both remember for the rest of their lives, a moment they'd yearn for at every waking hour of their day.

and years later, melchior still found that to be particularly true, as he stopped by the old graveyard to visit two old friends.  
there, he placed a flower on the grave of his best friend- his lover...his other half,  
and he yearned for just one more kiss, one more touch...

he regretted all he didn't say, all he didn't do,  
and at the same time he regretted all he did say,  
all he did do...

but god, oh god, he didn't regret moritz.

not for a second could he doubt the love he had for his best friend.  
as even then, after years and years had gone by, his feelings were still there.  
in fact, the feelings may never truly leave.

and as melchior stood there, with that distant memory lingering in the air, he felt completely and utterly alone.

for there was no more mystic wisdom rising from his lips any longer.

not without moritz.


End file.
